We'll start at the beginning.

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. For years I have had a great desire to go on a mission trip. Every year when our church would announce that year's trip I would think, "well, how about this one?" But each year the Lord would close that door. Either it was too much money, too far away, still had little ones at home so it would be too complicated or something along those lines. I watched my daughter go to Costa Rica and Gulfport, Mississippi for mission work and then this last spring to Italy with Campus Crusade. Would it ever be me?

But this year when it was announced in January that the trip would be to see Imro and Linda Smit in Suriname, South America to help with their conference on The Last Days, I knew this was the trip I would be taking. We have known Imro and Linda for many years. They are missionaries that our church supports and they have been to our church often. They are a precious couple and knowing that I would be working with people that I was familiar with was a great comfort. It was so clear that I would be going that I immediately sent off for my birth certificate and applied for my passport though the trip was not until November. I was committed.

I told everyone I was going, I think as much to share it as it was to convince myself that I was really going to do it. As the year went on, several people that I had thought would be going (hoped would be going) did not make the decision to go. Though disappointed, it didn't change my mind. I wasn't sure why I was going, only that I needed to be there. It's funny because almost until we left we really had no idea even what we'd be doing while there but that didn't seem to matter.

Now, I will admit that there were a couple of times this summer when I started to get cold feet. It's scary the unknown. I don't like flying all that much and I knew we'd be staying with families that I'd never met. What would it be like going to another country, a developing country at that? Where would I sleep? Would there be bugs? How would I deal with the heat with no a/c? But it's funny because the closer I got to the date that we would leave, the calmer I became. I had such an assurance from the Lord that I didn't have to worry about the details that I let go of all of my questions and fears and allowed myself to get excited about what lay ahead.

Fear has kept me from many things in my life. Because I come from a family of perfectionists, I have always carried that fear of not measuring up. Not being good enough. Not being able to follow through. This year I have had some major breakthroughs in the fear department. I have determined that my life will no longer be ruled by fear. So with that in mind, I started packing my bags.......