What's wrong with this picture?

Once our devotion time was finished on Friday, Kathy, Tracey and I set to work decorating the sanctuary for the conference that would start that night. We hung the trumpets and notes we had made, rearranged some of the silk trees and added lots of greenery to the front of the stage. There was a beautiful hand carved wooden vase that a young man had made for the church some time ago. Kathy placed a beautiful arrangement in it and we place it right in the front under the pulpit. We later learned that this young man is now in prison, but his mama would be at the conference. Linda said she would be so touched to see her son's vase being used.

Decorating didn't take long and we headed back to Linda and Imro's to have lunch. Peggy picked us up and then it was off for the facials and manicures that Peggy had planned for us. It was a very nice salon and the owner was waiting for us. I went in first for my facial and Tracey was off to start her manicure. Now this is only my second facial ever and they are a real luxury. It was so odd to be laying on the table with my face and neck being massaged and pampered knowing I was down there on a mission trip. I kept thinking, "What is wrong with this picture?" More and more this trip was turning out to be so different than I had anticipated.

Friday morning I had had a conversation with Chittra at the church after we had finished decorating. I told her that many times I think Americans can go into mission trips with the attitude of "Here we come, the Americans are here to rescue you, save you, show you how things should be done." I know that I had certainly thought that as Americans we would be coming to share our expertise with the less fortunate. That is such an arrogant attitude and many of us Americans suffer from it. I couldn't have been more wrong. I found a people who are very saavy, they are well traveled, speak multiple languages and certainly didn't need my help to accomplish this conference. So the question that came up over and over in my mind and again while having this wonderful pampering, "God, why am I here?"

While I loved this precious gift from Peggy, it was hard to fully enjoy as I struggled with the reasoning behind it. Not on Peggy's part, but what was God trying to show me.

So, the conference started Friday night. The guys had set up chairs for at least 235 people. We had two full rows w/headsets set up for the tribes who would be coming and would need interpreters. We had no idea how many people would be coming. We ended up filling those seats and adding to them to seat over 300 people! It was a packed house. Two different tribes showed up. They were facinating, beautiful people. While they wore regular street clothes (jeans and shirts for the men and skirts for the women) the women also had colorful wraps with their babies bound to them. Now these people live in the rain forest in thatched huts, but they had cell phones and digital cameras! Now the cell phones they can only use when them come into Parimaribo, but I was blown away them I asked a group of men who had lined up to take a picture if they'd like me to take it for them and he turned around and handed me a digital camera! Don't ask me how they download them or power any computer they might have because I don't have a clue.

We began with music and singing. Oh the joy! They were loud and sang with total abandon clapping their hands and swaying with the music. Since the power point (yes they even used power point) was in Dutch, we couldn't sing along but we sure could clap and rock with them and we did. Their music is very Carribean in nature and we loved it. Now Satan loves to spoil a good party and he tried his best when he blew the fuses and we lost all the a/c, BUT since God always triumphs they were fixed in no time and we didn't even break a sweat!

The first sessions of the conference were an overview of what the entire weekend would cover. Imro spoke first and our team had wireless headsets for us to hear Linda's translation since he spoke in Dutch. She does an amazing job. It sure helped us because we would have been clueless. We had to laugh when Pastor Tom started to speak and she began translating for him and then caught herself. She did that more than once over the weekend and then she'd get all flustered and laugh and we'd all giggle in our seats.

The people were so enthralled with all that was shared that night. The tribesmen took furious notes and even the teens were writing notes. When it came time for the discussion panel these kids brought their notes to the mike and had serious questions about the things they had heard. It was so refreshing to see people so hungry for God's word and especially to know about the Last Days. Many had concerns for family members who were not believers and you could hear the agony in their voices as they asked what scripture had to say about what would happen to them when the church was raptured.

After the conference was over for the night, Peggy took Tracey and I along with her daughter Crystal and youngest Daniel to an Indonisian wedding reception of her friend's daughter. I got the biggest kick out of listening to Peggy and her daughter talking in Dutch about how to get to the reception. Now I didn't learn any Dutch per se while I was in Suriname, but I can tell you that "no" in Dutch is "nay" and they were saying it a lot to each other. Peggy would suggest one thing and Crystal would say, "Nay, nay, nay mama" and then she would tell Peggy something and Peggy would be, "Nay, nay, nay Crystal." Sounded a lot like some of the conversations that Taylor and I have had over the years. In any language, that mother/daughter tone is clear as a bell! In any event, we finally found the place and parked to go in.

I'm not quite sure what I expected, but not really what we found. The reception was in like an event hall. The bride and groom where in the room where the dance floor was and the dj's music was blaring so loud your couldn't hear yourself think. The bride was dressed in what we would consider a traditional American style wedding dress. She was very pretty and she and her groom were about the only ones in the room. I watched how Peggy and Crystal greeted each of them and when it was my turn, gave them the three kisses on alternate cheeks. (Picked that up all by myself I'll have you know!)

We left them to go through the buffet line. Most people were outside at tables or in the room where the food was served. I felt kind of sorry for the bride and groom because they were stuck in that loud room pretty much alone. While I wasn't the least bit hungry, I knew enough to know it would be bad manners to not take something so I took a small bit of noodles (my favorite) and I don't remember what else. We headed outside and sat with Peggy's sister Marjorie and her two children Donovan and Pamela. Few people were dressed up which kind of surprised me. They don't have a traditional wedding cake. A man came to our table with a bottle of green soda, cups and little cardboard trays of 4-5 pieces of different cake like desserts. There were several colors and flavors and Peggy and Tracey enjoyed them as did the kids. Everytime a tray would be emptied that same man would appear with two or three more little trays. I really enjoyed visiting with Marjorie's children. Donovan is about ready to graduate and plans to go to Holland for medical school. He speaks beautiful English and had many questions for me about how I was enjoying Suriname. I really liked him.

Finally made it to bed about midnight......great day.

Devotions/Testimony

Can't believe it's already Friday. It seems we just arrived and already the week is almost over. I am up early and off to the church for breakfast and devotions.

This was my day for devotions/testimony and I'm pretty calm even though this is only my second time ever to give my testimony. I had decided ahead of time that I would give my testimony first so they would better understand my choice for devotions. I was glad that Rand had instructed us to write out our testimony ahead of time. It really helps cement it in your mind and even though I didn't read what I had written from the page, it was still nice to have it right in front of me as a safety net. While I guess I could share my testimony here in this blog, I reserve the right to share it in person and not in print so if you're interested just ask me.

Like Cody, I was a little nervous about sharing my testimony with him there. There's always that question of how much do you share. As the Lord would have it, I was pretty open and honest and I hope it gave him a better understanding of why I am the parent that I am. It also prompted a lot of good discussion as each of our sharing has done.

So my devotion was on "letting go". My scripture passage was John 2:1-10. This is the same passage we studied this fall at our ladies retreat and it made a huge impact on me even before the retreat as I prepared for it. In the passage Mary comes to Jesus with a problem. They are at a wedding and the hosts have run out of wine. This could be a terrible embarrassment to this family, so Mary comes to ask Jesus to help. She does not tell Him how to solve the problem, she just explains what the problem is and then lets it go. Doesn't that sound simple? You just tell the Lord what the problem is and then you let it go. Yet we don't do that. We tell Him the problem, then we tell Him how to fix it and when to fix it and why He needs to fix it. Then we just walk away and try to fix it ourselves instead of trusting Him to take care of it for us.

As I have thought about that passage since the retreat, I started a list of all of the things that the Lord has asked me to "let go" of in the past couple of years. Shame and regret over past mistakes and poor choices, embracing instead His love and forgiveness. Fear that my children would make the same poor choices that I did and instead recognizing that they are already living out His plan for their lives. Fear of failure. This was a big one for me because I'm one of those reverse perfectionists that learned early that the best way to avoid failing to be perfect was to just not try at all. I have missed so many opportunities in life because I was afraid to try because I couldn't be perfect and perfect had been the standard.

Other things I've let go of are anger and resentment over a relationship, control of my time (it's the Lords), fears about even being on this trip and as silly as it may sound, I even let go of my fierce desire for the Rays to win the pennant this year. As we began the ALCS series against Boston, I just got on my knees before the Lord and told Him that though I wanted more than anything for them to win, if their winning would corrupt the character of any of those young men and cause them to stumble then their character was more important than any win. Funny thing, God allowed me to be at game 7 of that series when they beat Boston and went on to the World Series. And when they lost to the Phillies I was fine. I had let it go.

What I have found through all of this letting go is that each time I have let go of whatever it is that God is calling me to release and have just trusted Him, He has blessed me in unbelievable ways. Just like letting me be at that game. He's also shown me that He can be trusted and in the trusting I find myself stepping out in new ways doing things I never imagined I would be able to handle.

So my question to the team was: What is God asking you to let go of? An area of sin or temptation? A relationship that is drawing you away from the Lord? A hurt that you have let fester because you won't let it go? A fear? An expectation? The list could go on and on as each of us has something we are clinging to and won't release to the Lord. When we did the retreat, I had each of the women take a chocolate kiss and unwrap it and hold it tightly in their hand while I shared the story of Jesus' first miracle at the wedding. I asked them to think about what they were holding on to and not trusting Jesus to handle. After about 5 minutes I had them open their hands to see the mess that the chocolate had made. That's the same mess we make when we refuse to let go and trust Jesus with our problems, fears, expections, worries, you fill in the blank.

I ask you the same question........what do you need to let go of and would you be willing to let go and trust and watch what happens?