Devotions/Testimony

Can't believe it's already Friday. It seems we just arrived and already the week is almost over. I am up early and off to the church for breakfast and devotions.

This was my day for devotions/testimony and I'm pretty calm even though this is only my second time ever to give my testimony. I had decided ahead of time that I would give my testimony first so they would better understand my choice for devotions. I was glad that Rand had instructed us to write out our testimony ahead of time. It really helps cement it in your mind and even though I didn't read what I had written from the page, it was still nice to have it right in front of me as a safety net. While I guess I could share my testimony here in this blog, I reserve the right to share it in person and not in print so if you're interested just ask me.

Like Cody, I was a little nervous about sharing my testimony with him there. There's always that question of how much do you share. As the Lord would have it, I was pretty open and honest and I hope it gave him a better understanding of why I am the parent that I am. It also prompted a lot of good discussion as each of our sharing has done.

So my devotion was on "letting go". My scripture passage was John 2:1-10. This is the same passage we studied this fall at our ladies retreat and it made a huge impact on me even before the retreat as I prepared for it. In the passage Mary comes to Jesus with a problem. They are at a wedding and the hosts have run out of wine. This could be a terrible embarrassment to this family, so Mary comes to ask Jesus to help. She does not tell Him how to solve the problem, she just explains what the problem is and then lets it go. Doesn't that sound simple? You just tell the Lord what the problem is and then you let it go. Yet we don't do that. We tell Him the problem, then we tell Him how to fix it and when to fix it and why He needs to fix it. Then we just walk away and try to fix it ourselves instead of trusting Him to take care of it for us.

As I have thought about that passage since the retreat, I started a list of all of the things that the Lord has asked me to "let go" of in the past couple of years. Shame and regret over past mistakes and poor choices, embracing instead His love and forgiveness. Fear that my children would make the same poor choices that I did and instead recognizing that they are already living out His plan for their lives. Fear of failure. This was a big one for me because I'm one of those reverse perfectionists that learned early that the best way to avoid failing to be perfect was to just not try at all. I have missed so many opportunities in life because I was afraid to try because I couldn't be perfect and perfect had been the standard.

Other things I've let go of are anger and resentment over a relationship, control of my time (it's the Lords), fears about even being on this trip and as silly as it may sound, I even let go of my fierce desire for the Rays to win the pennant this year. As we began the ALCS series against Boston, I just got on my knees before the Lord and told Him that though I wanted more than anything for them to win, if their winning would corrupt the character of any of those young men and cause them to stumble then their character was more important than any win. Funny thing, God allowed me to be at game 7 of that series when they beat Boston and went on to the World Series. And when they lost to the Phillies I was fine. I had let it go.

What I have found through all of this letting go is that each time I have let go of whatever it is that God is calling me to release and have just trusted Him, He has blessed me in unbelievable ways. Just like letting me be at that game. He's also shown me that He can be trusted and in the trusting I find myself stepping out in new ways doing things I never imagined I would be able to handle.

So my question to the team was: What is God asking you to let go of? An area of sin or temptation? A relationship that is drawing you away from the Lord? A hurt that you have let fester because you won't let it go? A fear? An expectation? The list could go on and on as each of us has something we are clinging to and won't release to the Lord. When we did the retreat, I had each of the women take a chocolate kiss and unwrap it and hold it tightly in their hand while I shared the story of Jesus' first miracle at the wedding. I asked them to think about what they were holding on to and not trusting Jesus to handle. After about 5 minutes I had them open their hands to see the mess that the chocolate had made. That's the same mess we make when we refuse to let go and trust Jesus with our problems, fears, expections, worries, you fill in the blank.

I ask you the same question........what do you need to let go of and would you be willing to let go and trust and watch what happens?